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Chapter 1:Honcha at High Charity
"You there! Unggoy!" snarled the Elite. He was a massive fellow in silver-white armor and his mandibles crackled as he said those words. It had been years since he had to fight with Unggoy and now he preferred to avoid them, but for one to enter his lance's barracks?! Despicable!
The Unggoy in question was running over to him now upon hearing those orders. Two beam screws were in his hands and from the looks of his armor, he was no veteran to battle.
The Elite gave him a swipe with his arm but the Unggoy's head was much lower than he expected and he only ended up hurting his hand on the slave's gas tank. Upon seeing this, it started backing away slowly, then turned and made a mad dash for the door but the Elite managed to catch his arm, hoisted up into the air, and brought him up close to his face.
"Now, Unggoy, what came into your mind to be such an idiot as to enter our barracks?"
"Ah... curiosity, 'Ee Ultra!"
"Curiosity? Back when I was your size, I had a teaching taught to me about curiosity! 'Curiosity is what leads to all wars!', it said! So go ahead and stay! I command you to! But if you choose to do so, I may just have to call down a war on you! Understood?"
"Yes, 'Ee Ultra!" The Elite nodded at this and put him down. The Unggoy then began gathering up his tools and stood there.
"Unggoy! Why aren't you leaving?"
- "Ummm... you tell me to?"
"When did I tell that, Unggoy?!"
- "Well, "Ee Ultra, you say, 'I command you to' and..."
With a loud frustrated yell, the Elite whipped out his Plasma Rifle. And with that, the Unggoy took off. One more misunderstanding, but one less war for the Covenant.
Man, Honcha was tired. A long day of repair work, getting dirty, scrubbery with the Drones and Hunt-worms, and now annoying the Elite officer! And this was his vacation. It wasn't any vacation he was particularly enthusiastic about, but visiting High Charity! Just being here, with all the people and structures and things!
But he wasn't allowed near any of them. Unggoy were bottom rung on the ladder here, as well as everywhere else, and so his day merely consisted to ambling around, trying to look busy, and avoiding anybody who was taller than you. But now he was lost in the Sangheili barracks. What was up with his bad luck here?
"Me going to need vacation from this vacation!" he yelled down the corridor. His only response was an odd hiss behind him. A hiss? "Do you need a vacation too?" he asked. There was another answering hiss. He turned around, but nothing was there. What was talking to him?There was another hiss. Then he looked down and saw it, a small robotic tank of sorts, about 2 feet tall. It was round and rust red, and standing on three stubby mechanical legs. At this moment, he seemed to be blocking its path, and so it was pointing its tiny cannon at his head, while hissing in a way that didn't seem all that friendly.
"Oh, sorry! Didn't mean to be blocking you." He moved out of the way and the tiny tank crawled along.
Running up to it, he asked, "Hey, do you know way out o' here?" The tank ignored him. Maybe it needed some motive.
"You know, you and me, we're both misfits here!" The tank did not say anything.
"Sometimes it helps to give fellow buddy a bitty help!" The tank just kept on walking.
Then he had an idea. "Hey, me got a bitty help for you!" He held up a little scritter he had found dead from suffocating in the air vents and waved it in the air. Maybe this girl wasn't above accepting gifts.
It wasn't. There was a pop, and a tiny rat-like critter scurried out of the tank, snatched up the scritter, and began devouring with absolute gusto.
"Whoa, way you eat that, me think a famine be coming on!" The critter gave one glance with its beady eyes, but didn't stop eating.
"I had to leave my family because of famine, I know what hunger's like." The critter glanced up again, but didn't say anything.
"But I guess you get mistreated a lot here too, because you're small, and weak, and because you're a GIRL, right?" The critter paused in its chewing for a bit and gave him a menacing look. It seemed to have been offended by an implied suggestion of weakness.
"Me know you aren't weak because of it, but isn't it sad how they don't give you a chance? They just stick you in that little tank and expect you to be happy." The critter began to stand up and squeak. It certainly sounding concurring.
"So maybe we can help each other. Maybe we can be a team!" The critter was starting to squeak louder and louder now. It seemed to be acting excited. "So what do you say, can we do this, together?"
Honcha suddenly felt a dark presence behind him. turning around, he found himself looking straight in the eyes of a massive Elite! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY WIFE?!?!" he screamed, and made a mad dash for Honcha's head! "GET ANYWHERE NEAR HER AND I SQUEEZE OUT YOUR BLOOD!!!"
His wife? He had no idea! Honcha made a run for his life as the murderous Elite chased him behind, screaming "MY WIFE IS MY TREASURE AND SHE DON'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR UNGGOY!!!"
Honcha had to get somewhere fast! Maybe he could lose him in that hallway over there! He made a leap and slid over to the right, while the Elite skidded to a halt and changed direction to pursue him. "CONTEMPTIBLE DEFILER! A THOUSAND DEATHS AWAIT YOU!!!"
There were some Hunters passing by in this hallway. Maybe they could serve as cover! He charged as fast as he could but one growl from the Hunters then told him this was a bad idea. But he couldn't run much farther with such a heavy backpack, where could he...
"ALL OF YOU MEDDLERS, OUT OF MY PATH! THIS DEVIL HERE IS MINE TO KILL!!!" The Elite was approaching! Maybe he could run straight to the elevator, close the doors, and...
Too late. The Elite had caught him. Pinning him to the floor, he began pulling Honcha’s arms behind his back while screaming "I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR BACKPACK, BURN ALL THE GAS, AND MAKE YOU SWALLOW IT NEXT!!!"
"Minor! Screaming for what reason?" It was the Ultra, and he wasn't looking pleased. Several other Elites were also poking out their heads.
"FOR MY WIFE!" he yelled. "IT WAS PART OF THE CONTRACT, YOU PROMISED ME A WIFE!!!" screamed the Elite. "Like him, and like him, and like him! And now I find that this plague monger is getting mine too?! WHAT COMES NEXT, YOU'LL START GIVING WIVES TO HUMANS?!?!" The Elite began screaming again and he made another lunge for Honcha, but his fellow warriors managed to grab his arms and pull him back. The Ultra however, unfazed and serene, took several long strides toward Honcha. Grabbing him by the arm, he faced him with an expression of cold anger.
"When I was half your size", he said, "I was taught three rules in behaving in a lance: You don't hide, you don't run away, AND YOU DON'T MESS WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S WIVES!"
"I BET YOU'D LOVE TO HAVE HER!" screamed the Elite Minor. "You take her home, and you pet her, and you let her take a big bite of your jugular, AND THEN SHE USE YOUR BLOOD TO MAKE A MILLION BABIES, ALL OF THEM WITH YOUR FACE ON IT!!!"
Suddenly he broke free and continued chasing Honcha down the hallway! But then he stopped and wailed with an expression of sadness. "NOW, WHERE IS MY WIFE?!?! WHERE DID SHE GO?!?! YOU LOST HER, YOU LOST HER!!"
"Unggoy!" yelled the Ultra. "Find the Minor here his wife, and with all speed, or the Councilors shall be trying another Heretic tonight!"
"Oh, hurry, Unggoy!" yelled another Elite. "I'm certain your new wife is DESPERATE to see you!"
Some vacation this was being, alright.